My Ultimate Woes…

So as you all know, Jeff and I are playing ultimate two nights a week. We played together this session on a Division 2 team called “The team formerly known as the Hat Team” and we placed 9th out of 11. We also played on a Division 1 team called “Milo of Croton” and have managed to secure a spot in the finals which are to be played this evening (wish us luck). In addition to league, I have started “training” with a woman’s team called Honey. For those of you that know me well, you know about my “self-esteem” issues when it comes to my physical appearance, my parenting skills but most importantly my athletic abilities. I have always wanted to reach a level in sport where my abilities are recognised by the elite within that sport. Here is a short recap of my past in sports that may shed some light on this issue…
Fall 1994 – After a hard summer of training I made the McGill Varsity Rugby Team as a starting winger (after playing on the B team and having issues with the coaches for 3 years) and then dislocated my shoulder in the first half of our first game of the season – SEASON OVER.
Spring 1999 – After a stellar season snowboarding in the Laurentians, I travelled to Banff where I tore my ACL before even reaching the top of Lake Louise Mountain – SKI TRIP OVER.
Summer 2002 – I was cut from both co-ed ultimate team tryouts then I picked up with the SpankDevils (Yeah Devils!) who went on to place in similar rankings to both of the co-ed teams WITHOUT a single practice!
Winter 2002 – I was selected to play indoor ultimate in the Elite division. YEAH, I MADE IT! Then in the first half of the first game I tore my other ACL and didn’t even make the D I was trying for – SEASON OVER.
Present…I am “trying” out for a women’s ultimate team in Melbourne. I am by far the OLDEST player on the team, and the only woman on this team to have any children. I am definitely the most “EXPERIENCED” and by that I mean simply I have played for the most years. I am trying to be realistic. It has been years since I have played competitive ultimate, I am still 20 pounds over my “athletic” weight, I have 2 post-op knees, I have 3 kids and I am getting freakin’ old…but how badly do I want to make the A team? Pretty badly. Why? Because as always I feel like I have something to prove. To whom, you may be asking yourselves – these people I barely know???? No good answer can be provided at this time. So, what is the problem, just do your best and see how it goes? (this is the sage advice Jeff gives me. He says, just do it for the exercise and if you play, enjoy it) So easy to say, so hard for me to do. Not only have I depleted my levels of self-esteem to all time lows, but I have also mastered the art of being self-defeating. The A-team wants to record times for a BEEP test, for a 5km run, as well as other benchmarks for throwing and fitness. So what do I do? To give myself an excuse, I CHOOSE to play a game of ultimate BEFORE doing the Beep test (DUH!) and then I can’t even pretend that I gave it a real go because I totally wussed out while doing it. I keep trying to convince myself that it would be better for me, for a million reasons, to be on the B team – but I don’t feel it. At the beginning of the Beep test I summarised my feelings in this fine quote “I am too competitive for the body that God has given me.” – loads of laughs – me crying on the inside because it is so true!
You may be asking yourselves why I am venting all of this on you, our loyal readers…well, I need to put it out there so that I will have motivation for changing my way of thinking. I need you all to know that I am a sucky baby so that I will make a real attempt at being happy that I am able to play at the ripe old age of 36, with 2 bionic knees and 3 kids under the age of 4! So I swear to you, my friends and family, I will try my best, I will train as hard as my body (not my mind) will allow and I will not give up on myself. If I make the A team, great, if I don’t, so be it – but it won’t be because of my negative attitude or my lack of trying! What I need from all of you – prayers that my body can take what I am about to put it through without giving up on me!
Thanks for listening and wish me luck!